Lucas, you S.O.B!

Just got back from the midnight show of Revenge of the Sith....

George, you sonufabitch, why did you do it?

28 years I've been a Star Wars fan. I saw the original on opening day way back in '77 when both of us had dark hair. I stood in line to see the sequels. I built the AMT (or was it Ertl?) T.I.E. fighter kit. Like every other male my age, I salivated over Carrie Fisher in a bronze bikini. Like the rest of the fans, I was horrified to discover that the ugly rumors about Darth Vader being the father of Luke were true.

I forgave you for the Ewoks, because their technology was so darn cool and because C3PO got some good lines off them.

Years later, I watched the videos with my kids. I bought them lightsabers, action figures, LEGOs, and Darth Vader Halloween costumes.

When the prequels came out, the visuals were so cool that I forgave you the idiotic plotline about mitichloridians, and even overlooked the foolishness of the "virgin birth" of Anakin.

I even didn't totally hate Jar-Jar.

We bought the DVDs and watched them over and over, soaking up the grand story and the incredible visuals.

For the past year, we've subscribed to the Hyperspace section of your website, eagerly awaiting each installment of the behind-the-scenes action. We avoided the unauthorized spoiler sites out of loyalty to the story. May 19th has been on the calendar since, well, forever.

And you had to go and ruin it all.

Three lines, George, three lines, each unneccesary.

#1: "He's got the Congress and the courts." - spoken by a Jedi explaining why the evil Chancellor cannot be removed legally. Clearly a cheap dig at President Bush and the Republican majority in the Congress. Of course, you could not have predicted that the film would be released on the eve of a showdown over judicial nominees. And it wasn't as cheap and obvious as "The Day After Tomorrow," but you certainly could have done it differently.

#2: Anakin (now Darth Vader): "Either you're with me, or you're my enemy." HELLOOOO? Don't tell me that's not a direct restatement of the Bush Doctrine.

#3: Obi-Wan (in response to #2): "Only the Sith deal in absolutes." And he draws his lightsaber to fight his former apprentice.

Ahem.

So what you're trying to say, it seems, George, is that those of us who DO believe in absolutes such as Good and Evil, Right and Wrong, are... SITH? The very EMBODIMENT of evil?

That's what you said, George. Yes, it's contradictory (more on that, perhaps much more, later), but it ...

it hurts, George.

You see, George, all those years while I was buying my kids Star Wars stuff, explaining to them how the grand saga was a tale writ large of falling and redemption, all those years, George...

I was attending church, George. (The past 15 years or so, at least.) Not namby-pamby spiritual-smorgasbord-ifitfeelsgooddoit "churches", George, but REAL churches. Places where the Gospel of Jesus Christ is proclaimed without shame or fear. Places where clear distinctions are drawn between Truth and Lie, between Good and Evil.

I believe in those things, George.

And until a couple of hours ago, I believed in Star Wars, too. I believed that Star Wars taught that Good ultimately triumphs over Evil.

But right now, George, I'm feeling more than a little sick, and a helluvalot disappointed. Because you could have given us those stunning digital FX, that classic-Star-Wars wooden acting, tied up all the loose ends, just as well without those three lines.

But you bastard, you had to go and do it. You just HAD to get your last digs in, and EFFIN' RUIN IT.



That in itself, a lesson is.